


not today (I'm just not ready)

by nerdyotter



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Actors, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst?, Celebrities, F/F, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Minor Injuries, On Set, Stubborn, bad at feelings, can't take a hint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-04-12 09:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19128841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyotter/pseuds/nerdyotter
Summary: You're one of the newbies on set and in just a few short months of filming in Texas, you and Alicia have managed to become pretty close.  What she doesn't seem to notice are your growing feelings for her.  The rest of the cast can see it, though.  But are these feelings only one sided like you think?  Will one slipped question ruin everything you've had up to this point?





	1. too late

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and I have no idea how this is going to go so bare with me!

“Can I kiss you?”

…

I had been in Texas for a few months now. Fear had some new characters this season and for some reason the crew had picked me of all people to be a part of that. I hadn’t even auditioned for the show – one of the producers came up to me while I was wondering around town trying to pass the time one day and mentioned the role to me, saying that I was exactly what they had in mind when it came to casting for it. I’m still not sure how that worked exactly given that he didn’t even know me and I have no prior acting experience at all.

But it was perfect and I was loving absolutely everything about it. The place, the people, the new experiences – the whole adventure. It was different from anything I had ever done before. I had just wrapped up my last year of college that previous spring and had no idea what I wanted to. I wasn’t having any luck finding a job and having just moved from my hometown to an entirely different state with no friends didn’t exactly help me. But then this opportunity came out of nowhere and there was no way I could pass it up. I hadn’t even come close to studying fine arts in school. In fact, I was a health sciences major. But here I was with no regrets whatsoever.

I loved how action-packed this show was. I think that’s what really convinced me to take the job. My strong athletic background really came in handy with the stunts I had to do in some of the scenes. But I couldn’t complain at all. I had a job that paid decently given that I wasn’t part of the main cast (at least not yet – one can dream right?) and it’s pretty much all I need to help me stay in shape. I wasn’t going to complain about not needing to hit the gym anymore. Or I guess not until the show goes on a hiatus.

As much as all of those were great reasons to me for taking this job in the first place, I can’t say any of them are my top reason for staying. Well…aside from the contract I signed. It may or may not have to do with a certain girl. One with green eyes. Who has the most perfect Aussie accent that could make her either that much more intense or that much more adorable. Who loves flowers Who is passionate about everything she talks about and blushes when she realizes she’s been rambling. Who can be a bit of a badass when she wants to be but once you get past the rough exterior she puts up, is one of the kindest, most caring human beings out there.

Yeah, that girl.

…

Currently, there was a break between scenes while the crew was getting the next set together and Alicia and I had wondered over by the fence that separated the cast and crew from some fields and Texas wildflowers. I may have been a part of the newbies that joined the cast this season, but Alicia and I had grown fairly close in just a few short months. I’m sure I really had our few intense scenes together so far to thank for that and the fact that I was always hovering around set during takes that I wasn’t even in just in case there was a change in plans. I always liked to be ready for anything. Alicia and I would spend most of our breaks together and had even hung out outside of works a few times – going out with some of the rest of the cast and a movie night or two with just the two of us.

What I didn’t expect in those few months, was to be feeling things for this girl that I couldn’t quite explain. Yeah sure, I’d crushed on other girls before but I knew none of those would ever turn into anything. Especially given that it always happened to be the straight girls. I rolled my eyes at myself. I seemed to have a thing for developing feelings for them. But never were those feelings quite like this. Every time I saw Alicia there were butterflies in my stomach. If we made eye contact, those butterflies went wild. When she’d smile at me, I couldn’t help but smile back no matter what kind of mood I was in. She just made my day better. She was the reason I didn’t mine waking up so early for our 5am call times.

But it was as soon that those words left my mouth and I was met with nothing but silence and a look on Alicia’s face that was one of both shock and confusion that I wished I could take them right back. I quickly looked down to the dirt below us, hoping she didn’t catch the shock and bit of disappointment written across my own face.

It was too late. They were out there. In the open. Now there’s no way she wouldn’t know how I felt.

We had been standing there just making small talk. She had asked me if I could take a picture of her with the wildflowers in the background and of course I could never say no to this girl. It just wasn’t possible. There was nothing new about the situation. In fact, I loved moments like this. Any time I was able to be around her was perfect. And it was right there that the words just slipped out. And oh how I wished they hadn’t. And there’s nothing I could do but cringe at myself.

After was felt like an eternity of silence but was probably actually no more than 30 seconds I dared to look back up at Alicia. That same look still written across her face. But this time she opened her mouth ready to say something and I did all I could to brace myself for what was coming.

And it comes. Just barely loud enough for me to hear. But it comes. And I almost wish it didn’t.

“I… I can’t.”

God damnit. I really fucked up this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is just a quick intro and I'm hoping the followup chapters are longer. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I definitely wouldn't consider myself a writer lol but I do have some ideas on where to take this and just had to get it started with something. But please let me know what you think so that I can make this into something y'all enjoy!


	2. left on read

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> way to ignore her asshole. or do you?

After standing there for an awkward few seconds, I gave Alicia a half smile if you can even call it that and turned to walk away, my feet moving without my brain truly processing what was happening. I was still too busy scolding myself under my breath for being such an idiot.

“Hey! Y/N, wait come back!”

I could hear Alicia yelling behind me but her words weren’t registering and I couldn’t turn back, not now. After she called after me a second time, for a split second I considered turning around and chancing it. That thought was interrupted by the director calling Alicia back to set for the next scene. So instead I just kept my feet moving eventually running off set with curious glances from some of the scattered crew, and headed to the only place I knew I could be without an audience – my trailer.

By the time I got there (thank god I didn’t have to share a trailer like most of the newer cast did – how did I get so lucky *eye roll*) I was so winded that I slammed the door shut behind me and locked it before doubling over with my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. All I could think was how thankful I was that I didn’t have any scenes coming up soon and it was almost lunch break anyway so nobody should come looking for me for a while. It gave me time to try to distract myself and clear my head with music and YouTube.

…

A couple hours later I was awoken by soft knocking on my trailer door. I must have dozed off after being so emotionally drained, but honestly what better distraction than sleep. The knocking came again, but this time a bit louder. I didn’t have to look to know who was standing outside my trailer door. But I also knew that I wasn’t ready to face Alicia right now.

“Y/N? Can we talk? Please?”

Her voice come out so gentle. The girl who I had so much trouble saying no to was making ignoring her right now extremely difficult. But I couldn’t open that door. Not yet.

After knocking one more time, I finally heard retreating footsteps. Whether she thought I wasn’t inside or just wasn’t answering is beyond me but I wasn’t going to put myself into a situation I wasn’t ready for.

…

The crew ended up calling it a day a bit early because of some storms that had rolled in so I didn’t even need to leave my trailer again until I could head home. I really needed to find a way to thank mother nature for that superb timing and helping to keep my day from getting any more awkward.

After getting home I turned my phone off and hopped into the shower to wash away whatever dirt and blood was left from today’s set look. Being constantly filthy definitely came with the territory of shooting an apocalyptic show. But getting into some clean sweatpants and an old t-shirt is exactly what I needed right now. I climbed in bed and fell asleep watching Netflix not really paying attention to the show but rather replaying today’s events in my head for the hundredth time.

How could I be so stupid?

…

The following morning my alarm didn’t go off until 7:30. Finally, a day where I can get up at a normal working person’s time. It was Thursday and I wasn’t expected to be on set until 9 so I still had about an hour until I needed to leave. Maybe I could actually sit at home and enjoy my coffee in a real mug rather than grabbing a to-go cup from the canteen. It was weird. I knew Alicia still had an early call time today and usually I’d show up early just to spend more time with her. Today already felt more off than usual.

Arriving at work this late just seemed weird. No one else was acting like anything was different, but to me it felt like everything was. But I had to pretend like everything was normal because the last thing I wanted right now was questions. I went on my way to my trailer to drop my things off before heading over to hair and makeup to be prepped for the day.

Once I was changed into costume and looking quite badass if I must say so myself, I was summoned over to set. Of course with my luck, Alicia was just wrapping up a scene so I went and attempted to make myself as small as possible off in the corner hoping not to be noticed. That didn’t seem to work, though, since as soon as I heard the director yell “CUT” she turned and looked right at me. It was as if she knew by instinct where I was.

And just like that she started making her way over to where I was. But before she could get here, I was pulled off the side by a large hand. I turned to my right to see Strand looking at me expectantly. I must have had a confused look on my face because my mouth opened but before anything came out he started speaking.

“Kid, I’m not sure what is going on between you two, but you need to get your shit together. I am well aware that something happened yesterday before lunch because Alicia’s been acting strange since then.” So upfront. I guess that’s one of the things I’ve always liked about him anyway.

“We…uh…I” I didn’t even know what to say. So much for keeping this on the down low amiright?

“No, no. Listen. I’m not sure what exactly that something is, and I’m not going to push to find out. But I have never seen you arrive so late. I mean come on now, the whole cast knows you arrive here early for Alicia even when you don’t need to be here for hours! She might not know it, but the rest of us see how you look at her.” Well fuck…

“Strand I can’t…we uhhh”

“Talk to her. Trust me.” With that Strand walked away leaving me standing there, mouth agape, a mumbling mess. Like I said before, always right to the point with him.

But how on earth was I supposed to talk to the girl I ruined everything with. Aside from her knocking on my trailer door yesterday, it’s been nothing but radio silence. In all honesty, I just wanted to get through the rest of this week before I even attempted to talk to Alicia right now.

…

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. I was on set when needed for my scenes but otherwise camped out in my trailer. The only difference between today and any other day was that I really was missing my best friend. After spending all day without her, I came to realize how much time we really do spend together while filming. But I just had to fuck it up with my lack of filter.

…

Crawling into bed late that night I felt my phone vibrate from the empty side of the bed. Without thinking twice I picked it up to see who could possibly be texting me at this hour. Since moving states and taking this once in a lifetime opportunity of a job, I hadn’t really had much time to stay in touch with anyone other than family from back home. Alicia. Of course.

**Leesh (11:24)**

_Can we talk about this?_

_Please?_

**You (11:26)**

_I can’t._

_Not yet._

**Leesh (11:26)**

_I miss you_

Those three little words came through before I could even lock my phone and had the butterflies back in my stomach. Honestly just seeing her name light up my screen was enough to make that happen. How was I supposed to talk to her when she still had this kind of power over me? What do I even respond with?

I decided to leave it at that and call it a night. Whatever had to happen could be dealt with tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback always appreciated, good or bad!


	3. just talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well I guess you can figure out what happens from the chapter title lol

**Strand (06:11)**

_Given that you aren’t here yet, I take it you two have yet to talk about whatever is going on?_

It didn’t take a genius to figure out who Strand was referring to.  What a text to wake up to…*eye roll*

**You (07:03)**

_No, Victor.  I’m not even sure how to go about this without making it worse right now._

**Strand (07:12)**

_Well you have until approximately 8:30 tonight to figure it out because the whole group is going out and you aren’t ditching because you can’t get your shit straight_

_Or I suppose ~straight~ is exactly what it shouldn’t be ;)_

_But I advise you get here sooner rather than later_

Great, just what I wasn’t ready to plan for today.  I’m not even filming.

**You (07:14)**

_First off, that was corny as hell_

_But I’ll try.  I’m not sure how it’ll go but I can’t do this anymore_

_I miss her._

**Strand (07:15)**

_Trust me, we know_

_Hurry up and get yourself over here and I’ll try to help if I can_

_Just talk to her_

**You (07:15)**

_I’ll be there soon_

_And thanks, Victor. Truly_

**Strand (07:17)**

_Just make it snappy, Y/L/N <3_

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten myself ready for work so quickly.

…

I didn’t really give much thought to the people around and quickly made my way right to my trailer. I didn’t have much of a schedule being here today so I figured I’d just drop my things off and go find Strand. And then Alicia.

I flung the trailer door open ready to toss my things on the counter and leave when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.  Immediately whipping my head to the source, I froze.  There was Strand heading my way and right behind him on the couch sat Alicia.

“I’ll be around if you need anything.”  Strand walked right by me and out the door, shutting it behind him.  All I could do was turn and stare at the closed door.  I swear I saw the slightest hint of a smirk on the mans face.  Does he know something that I don’t?

Slowly my eyes drifted back to Alicia who was still sitting on the couch staring at the ground beneath her boots.  She must have shot a pretty gnarly scene already this morning because she was covered in more blood than usual.  But god did she look just as gorgeous as ever.  That’s how I knew I had it bad.  It didn’t take anyone else to tell me – just me catching myself having thoughts like that while the girl is covered in so much sweat, dirt, and blood.

There was plenty of space on the couch next to Alicia but after the other day I was in no position to even tempt making her more uncomfortable than I probably already had so I plopped myself up on the counter across from the couch instead.

And that’s how we sat.

In silence.

For several minutes.

I didn’t even know how to start this.  I thought I’d have time to roughly plan something out when I was walking around trying to find her.  I thought I’d have time to talk to Strand first!  The feeling of sweat starting to bead on my forehead makes me realize that I really am starting to panic.  I had no plan.

“Sooo…”

My head snaps up as the sound of Alicia’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.  Somehow it manages to both calm me and increase my heart rate at the same time.  Damn you, feelings!

But I didn’t want to interrupt whatever she seemed ready to say, so rather I gave her a small smile trying to encourage her to continue.  And god, that little bit of a shine that came to her eyes like maybe I just gave her all the courage she needed to do this made my heart swell.

Ugh, I really need to figure out how to control myself so history doesn’t repeat itself!

“The other day, when you uhh…yeah you know.  You ran off. I know I said I couldn’t, but there was more that I wanted to say.  I just…I don’t know how to do this.”

I could tell she was starting to get frustrated with herself, struggling to get the words out the way she wanted to.  So I had to cut her off.

“Listen, Alicia.  It’s fine.  I get it.  Really. It was stupid of me to ask or even to think that maybe, just maybe there was a chance.  But I let it slip anyway and probably did a great job of ruining the whole friendship and I’m sorry.”

“No, Y/N.  I’m not done.  I couldn’t.  Not right there.  Not with all those people around.  Yeah, sure we were off to the side and I’m sure no one was looking, but that’s not a risk I think I’m ready to take.  Strand knows I’m into girls.  And now you do too.  Sure, so do a few others, but he’s kinda been my best friend on set for years now.  That’s why he wanted us to talk – because he knows. I don’t think he knows specifics about what happened, or at least I didn’t tell him…”

“I didn’t either.  But when he pulled me off to the side yesterday he said he noticed something was up.”

“Of course he did,” Alicia let out a soft chuckle and in that moment I questioned how I had survived up to this point without hearing it every day.  “I like you, Y/N, I really do.  But I don’t think I can do this and risk word getting out.  Not today, I’m just not ready.  Not yet.”

A piece of me couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  Not only is Alicia also into girls, but she’s into me.  She likes _me_.  But on the other hand how the fuck am I supposed to react to basically being shut down.  Sure she said not yet, but how long until she was ready?  Would she ever be?  All I know is that I sure as hell am not going to be the person to pressure her into doing something that she’s not ready for.

So I asked the only thing that I could really care about at that point.

“Does this mean I can at least get my friend back?” The words came out of my mouth in just above a whisper, almost like a plea.  If I couldn’t be with Alicia, then I could at least keep her in my life.

“I hope you didn’t think you’d ever be able to get rid of me!”  I don’t think I could ever want to.

It was that moment that the director was calling Alicia back to set for her next scene.  Alicia stood from the couch, looked me in the eyes, pat my knee, and turned towards the door.  On her way out, she looked back over her shoulder and yelled “See ya tonight!” and lord save me because my knees got weak for a second with the wink she added.

“Yeah. Yeah you will.” But all I could do was mumble those words to myself before turning back around catching sight of the goofy grin I was wearing across my face in the mirror.

I am so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to drop your criticism of choice!


	4. stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a night out with the crew

What the fuck was I doing?

Here I was, more clothes than I knew I owned thrown all over my bed trying to figure out what to wear. Why did it even matter?  It was just some of the cast going out to have some fun at a bar.  I’m pretty sure Strand went as far as to rent a private room so it’s not even like anyone would really see me.

Except that someone would. A certain someone who just happened to be a part of this cast.  And she is the damn reason that it matters.

**Leeshy (19:42)**

_I can’t wait to see you later!_

A damn good reason at that.

Eventually I decided to settle for my signature black skinny jeans, a faded brand logo tee, and some casual lace-up boots.  Because nothing screamed gay quite like that amiright ladies?  But make sure to insert me smirking to myself in the mirror followed by an eyeroll here.

I grabbed the keys to my old truck (because what else could a kid fresh out of college with student-loan debt afford?) and an old, worn flannel and headed out the door to meet the rest of the gang.

…

Arriving at the bar, I found John Dorie arriving at the same time and decided to hold up a second so we could head in together.

“Hey!  John!”

“Y/N!  I heard you finally came to your senses after earlier this week.”

I held my head in my hands and grumbled, “You really all know, don’t you?”

“It doesn’t take a genius to see how you two are around each other, kiddo.”

With that, an eye roll, and a small smile I hope John didn’t notice, we made our way into the bar. One of the bartenders led us to a room in the back corner where the rest of the crew was and turns out we just happened to be the last to arrive.  Sitting around the table in the decently sized booth was Strand, June, Morgan, Luci, Althea, and Alicia.

God, Alicia.

Who gave anyone permission to look like that?  She just had on a plain white crop top and some old blue jeans with her hair pulled back into her usual half up, half down look, but damn.

I must’ve been staring a little more than I thought because suddenly I heard John clear his throat behind me as he moved to sit next to June (honestly, they are the real goals here) leaving the only open spot next to Alicia.  I sure as hell wouldn’t ever complain about that.  Sliding in, I looked at Alicia to see the small smile she had on her face.

Before long, everyone around the table had a drink in hand.  I decided on just a simple beer knowing that this would be my only drink of the night since I was driving.  I didn’t mind, though, since I wasn’t big on being drunk and not being in complete control of my actions.  I never knew what would happen when I was.  I noticed Alicia went with rosé, Luciana and June got white wine, Althea was also chilling with a beer, and the guys all managed to go with whiskey on the first round.  They must’ve agreed on some round for round thing…

It was then that I really got a good look at the bar room Strand booked us.  It was our own little private karaoke room.  It didn’t take but everyone else having a few drinks in their systems before the mic started making its way around the table.  June and Luci kicked it off with a duet of Wannabe by the Spice Girls and that really set the mood for the rest of the night.

At some point throughout the night Alicia took my hand under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Eventually the mic made it to Alicia and let me tell you, the girl was on her third or fourth glass by this point and not exactly what anyone would consider sober.  She tried to get me to do a song with her but given that I had finished nursing my beer over an hour ago and hadn’t had anything since, I sure as hell wasn’t drunk enough for this.  But damn it if she didn’t look cute asking.  Eventually she gave up and settled on You by Sam Woolf.

And part of me couldn’t help but to wonder if she had planned that out beforehand?

After that I decided that everyone else was gone enough that it wouldn’t be the worst thing if I made a fool of myself right now.  But the only song I could think of doing wasn’t much of a karaoke song.  But man was it a mood.

I Can’t Trust Myself by Devin Dawson.

I could tell not one word of the lyrics was registering with Alicia as I watched her, but that’s okay. It just means she wouldn’t remember it in the morning.  I glanced around the rest of the table.  June and John weren’t paying attention to anyone but each other and probably wouldn’t last here much longer and Morgan and Althea were doing their best to sing along, but I swear I caught a knowing look in Strand and Luci’s eyes. 

I guess not everyone was as drunk as I thought they were.

But that seemed to be a wrap on the night for everyone.  People started to wiggle their way out of the booth and say goodbye to each other. Watching the exchanges, I couldn’t help but notice how Alicia kept stumbling more than anyone else.  There's no way I could let her go home alone.

“Hey, Alicia?  You wanna come with me?  I drove.”

She spun around in her heels and almost toppled over. “Y/N!  Haven’t you been drinking?”

 _You certainly have_ I mumbled under my breath.  “I haven’t had anything since that first beer.”

“Okay!” And with that she grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the exit.

Before we could get very far, I felt another hand on my arm tugging me to a stop.  I turned to look over my shoulder and saw Luciana giving me a knowing look.

“Whatever you do, don’t hurt her.  She’s been through so much already.”  I wasn’t really sure what Luci was talking about, but I also knew it wasn’t my place to ask. If Alicia wanted me to know, she would tell me.

“I would never intentionally.  I promise.” I turned back to Alicia and couldn’t help but smile as she started pulling me towards the parking lot again.

…

Aside from the radio in the background and cars passing by, the ride back to my apartment was fairly quiet. Alicia grabbed my hand as soon as I put the truck in drive and didn’t let go once while she watched the town pass by.

…

Arriving at my apartment, I unlocked the door and led Alicia inside to my bedroom.  She went and sat on the bed while I dug through my drawers for something for her to change in to.  I pulled out an old pair of Nike shorts and a college t-shirt and handed them to her.  She instantly held the shirt up to her face and grinned.

“It smells good.”  This dork.

“Hahaha I mean it is clean, Leesh.”

“No, I mean it smells like you.”  I just turned around and hoped she didn’t notice me blushing.

“Well, uhh, the bathroom is right there.  I’m gonna run out to the kitchen and get you some wa…”  I turned back around and there was Alicia, already taking her top off to get changed.  I quickly adverted my eyes and tried to continue what I was saying but nothing but a jumbled mess fell out of my mouth.  Instead I almost tripped on my own two feet trying to get out of the room.

…

In the kitchen I filled two glasses with water and quickly downed one of them taking a moment to get a hold of myself.  I refilled it and left it on the counter before taking the other one and a couple ibuprofen back to my room.

Thankfully when I walked back in Alicia was finished changing and was just walking back out of the bathroom towards the bed.  Before she could make herself too comfortable, I made her drink the glass of water knowing good and well how much hangovers suck.  Hopefully this would help a little bit.

“I’m just going to but these pain meds on the nightstand here for you in the morning.  If you need anything tonight, I’ll just be out on the couch.”  I turned to walk out the room before I heard Alicia whisper my name, barely still awake.

“Wait, Y/N?  Stay?”

I really couldn’t say no to this girl.  Especially when she was this sleepy and adorable.  “Okay.”

I walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled back the blankets before crawling in, making sure to leave a respectable distance between us.  She was drunk and there was no way in hell I was going to take advantage of her. Ever.

It wasn’t more than a few minutes, however, before I could feel Alicia shift closer and she put her head on my chest, draped an arm around my waist, and tangled her legs with mine. So much for that distance.  But I didn’t have the heart to stop her.  I put my arm around her and soon her breathing evened out and she was fast asleep.

Staring up at the ceiling, I couldn’t help but wonder how tomorrow morning was going to play out. But for now, I was going to enjoy having the girl I cared so much about by my side.

I pulled Alicia close, kissed the top of her head, whispered “goodnight” into her hair, and drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me with that feedback!
> 
> but for real, at this point I'm hoping to update about once a week at a minimum (we'll see how that goes lol). if y'all have any directions you would maybe like to see the story go, I wouldn't be opposed to ideas!


	5. g'morning sleepyhead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after *smirk* jk not yet. or is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I wanted to try and update at least once a week but I basically completely rewrote this chapter from what I originally had to take a bit of a different direction and ended up getting pretty sick as well so that slowed things down.
> 
> But here we are finally!

I could feel a warm weight pressed against my side and it took a second for my groggy, sleep-filled mind to clear before my thoughts instantly went to last night and what happened.

Alicia.

It really wasn’t a dream. She was still sound asleep but I was too far under her weight to be able to get up without waking her.  It was still fairly early so instead I laid there and ran my fingers up and down her arm.

Not too long later, Alicia ended up rolling over a bit and I was just barely able to slip out from under her.  Carefully, I got out of bed and made sure to tuck Alicia back in before making my way out to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

Once the coffee was brewing, I picked up my phone and noticed I had a few texts from last night and earlier this morning.

**Luci (02:04)**

_I was serious about what I said earlier._

_Don’t you forget it._

**Strand (07:41)**

_Hey thanks for keeping an eye on her tonight.  I trust you._

_But also keep in mind that if you do try anything, I know where you sleep on set._

Gotta love protective friends, but also, I’m glad Alicia has people looking out for her.

I went back to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup before scrolling through social media.  Facebook gave me a few family updates and reminded me of a couple birthdays, neither of which I really cared about.  Twitter was pretty uneventful per usual – the occasional meme, dog post, or funny video popping up.  Going over to Instagram, something struck me as unusual. 

I was being tagged in wayyy more photos than I usually am.  Sure there was the occasional promo post from the show, a post from a friend here or there, or some of the shows fans posting stills from different episodes.  But these numbers were drastically higher this morning.

Hesitantly, I clicked on my tagged photos to see what was going on.  And oh boy what a way to start the day.

All over the place were paparazzi photos of me and Alicia leaving the bar.  Of her leaning on me for support as we walked to my car. Posted by fan accounts.  And we all know that well many are nothing but supportive, how harsh some of those can be to the unknown sometimes.

And don’t even get me started on the captions.  All some variation of this mess:

“Alicia and new girlfriend!!”

“Is Alicia dating a girl!?”

“They’re so cute together! I’m so happy for her!!!!”

“Who’s that girl Alicia is all over?”

“Well there goes any chance I had with her…”

That’s one way to start some rumors I guess.  I should probably let the poor girl know what’s going on this morning before she goes and finds out some other way.

Another fifteen minutes went by when I heard the sound of footsteps over the radio playing softly in the kitchen before one of the barstools at the counter behind me was pulled out.  I turned around to what might possibly be my new favorite sight.

A sleepy Alicia, yawning, with bedhead, eyes just barely open.

I poured her a cup of coffee and turned around.  “G’morning sleepyhead.  How you feeling?”  I asked sliding the steaming mugs in front of her.

After taking a sip, Alicia mumbled something before answering, “Been better,” never once looking up.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes drinking our coffee.  The only sounds being the radio still playing, neighbors chatting outside, and the occasional car passing by. 

“Thanks for the pain meds.” A pause.  “And for taking me home last night.”  If I wasn’t always reading so far into things, I would’ve sworn that last part was almost shy.

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I knew I’d feel better knowing you were safe than had you tried to get home on your own.  Especially with the state you were in last night.”

“Yeah I didn’t really mean for it to get that bad.  Was just trying to clear my mind for a bit.”  She looked down at her coffee again, but not soon enough for me to miss the blush that spread across her cheeks.

What I wasn’t sure of was if it was the result of being embarrassed about how drunk she got last night or if it was from whatever she was thinking about.

“Hey, Leesh.  You know I’m here if you ever wanna talk about it. Or anything at all.  Any time, don’t hesitate.  I’m here for ya, bud.”  Almost slipped up with babe right there.  How awkward that would’ve been.

“Yeah.  Thanks.”  That hint of a smile is all I needed to know that she knew I meant every word of what I just said.

After a moment, I brought up the pictures.  “Soo…uhhh…I’m not really sure how much of last night you remember, but the papz must’ve found out where we all were last night.  There are pictures of everyone leaving the bar going around this morning.” *insert hesitation here* “And uh some uh rumors to go with them…”  I trailed off on that last part.

“What kinds of rumors?”  And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think the crease she got from scrunching her eyebrows together was absolutely adorable.

I pulled up my tagged photos on Instagram again – of course the number of them just continued to increase as the day wore on – and slid my phone across the countertop.  “Take a look for yourself.”

After Alicia scrolled through a few different posts, she let out this sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan.  “Some people really don’t know what lines they shouldn’t cross.  As much as I really appreciate the support coming from some people for something that isn’t even a thing,” (I couldn’t help but feel a slight pang in my chest at that part) “I really thought respecting my private life went without asking!”

It was clear that the more she kept scrolling, the more worked up she was getting about the situation. I walked around the counter to behind the barstool Alicia was sitting on and reached around her to lock my phone before hugging her from behind.

“Hey now, don’t let them get to you.”  I placed my chin on her shoulder.  “Give it a couple days and I’m sure they’ll move on to obsessing over something else. I’m pretty sure the network is releasing the trailer for the new season this weekend so they can be all over that instead.”

I turned slightly and placed a kiss on her cheek before letting go and walking back around the counter to finish my coffee.

\--

We continued to sit there, just listening to the radio and whatever news they were talking about until the coffee was gone.  Picking up both the empty mugs I asked, “What time do you have to be on set later?  It’s a long one tonight, isn’t it?”

“Mmm yeah.  I think I need to be there around two and then we probably won’t be done until maybe four in the morning if we’re lucky.  One way to spend a Friday night I guess.”  She let out a small chuckle that I swear would be the death of me.  “What about you?”

“They told me to show up by three so if you want we can just head over together?  It’s only a few hours from now and we both have to be there eventually anyway.”

“That’s fine with me if you don’t mind being a bit early.”

“Not at all!  You wanna watch a movie or something until then?”

“Can we watch that new one on Netflix?  _Always Be My Maybe_ I think it’s called?”

“Whatever you want.”

We went into the living room and I opened Netflix and got the movie up and ready while Alicia made herself comfortable on the couch.  I turned to go back to the kitchen to grab snacks and drinks before looking back at her.

“You want anything?” I asked pointing over my shoulder in the direction of the kitchen.

“Just water is fine.”

I came back with two glasses of water, some popcorn, and Doritos and placed them all on the coffee table in front of the couch before taking a seat in the couch corner and hitting play on the movie.

Not even twenty minutes in, and Alicia moved closer and curled herself up into my side.  I couldn’t help but to wrap my arm around her, pull her closer, and subconsciously run my hand up and down her back. 

And that’s how we spent the rest of the time before we had to leave for set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whatchya got for me?


	6. been better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ouch?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TW: slightly graphic injury description*
> 
> Won't lie, this is not at all something that I had originally planned to write into this story but I got the idea late one night and wrote almost the entire thing in the notes on my phone bc my laptop wasn't nearby. I'm really happy with how this one turned out and it was kinda fun to write. I hope you guys like it too. The next one will definitely have some development so don't give up on me yet!
> 
> **apologies for any mistakes. I'll get around to actually editing eventually.

“Thanks for driving me.” Alicia looked over with a smile on her face as I put my truck in park by the trailers.

We climbed out and I walked her to her trailer which was on the way to mine. Newbies in the back right folks? I gave her a quick hug before we went our separate ways.

“Hey! Go get ‘em kid!” I threw over my shoulder with a wink as I walked away.

Alicia laughed and rolled her eyes in response to the “kid” part given that she is definitely a few years older than me.

\--

After going through hair and makeup and getting my costume on – aka the same pair of ripped up dirty jeans and old button-down shirt that I always have to wear (I know so much variation in the apocalypse) – I made my way over to set. I wasn’t actually needed for another hour or two depending on how these first few scenes go and how many takes are needed to get them just right, but there’s nothing wrong with hanging around and supporting my fellow cast members. Especially since Strand was directing today.

\--

It was almost one in the morning now, I had done a few scenes here and there but mostly I just hung around watching the rest of the cast and crew do their thing. Alicia would find me for a few minutes whenever she got a chance but right now she was wrapping up a scene with Morgan.

I’m excited to film the next scene, though! It’s a fight sequence between my and Alicia’s characters. It’s going to be pretty intense if I may say so myself. I did a few practice run throughs with the stunt coordinators earlier while I was just hanging out and feel really good about it. I saw Alicia go through it with them at some point too and hope it turns out as good as I think it will.

As soon as Victor yelled “CUT!” Alicia made her way over to where I was getting ready for our scene.

“You ready?” She wore a big smile across her face.

“To kick your ass? You bet!” I smirked at her.

She whacked my arm still smiling as Strand called for us to take our places.

We walked over to in front of the cameras together and Strand told us the plan and explained his vision. He had us run through the stunt one more time together in slow motion before we got the cameras rolling.

“You two ready?” We both nodded. “Cameras and sound ready?” Affirmatives. “Alright. Take one. And ACTION!”

Alicia and I went through the scene and fight sequence, in what is my opinion, absolutely effortlessly.

“CUT!” Colman walked over to us. Some praises and a few pointers later we were back and ready for round two. “Alright RESET! Back to starting marks. This one is it, I can feel it. Ready, take two. And ACTION!”

Everything was somehow going even smoother than the first run through.

And then we hit the stunt sequences and it wasn’t.

I felt a pop, heard a loud crack, and felt the warm blood begin to ooze. We both froze in place. The last thing I remember seeing before my vision went black was the terror in Alicia’s eyes.

Sometime later, what could’ve been seconds, minutes, or even hours I’m not really sure (there’s no way it was more than a few minutes…I think), I slowly opened my eyes, squinting against the set lights towering high above me, to see that the couple people from the medical staff were hovering over me. They were waving this nasty smelling solution near my nose that did exactly what is needed to – wake me the fuck back up. I tried not to vomit at the intensity of the stuff when I noticed that a good distance behind the medical staff stood Alicia.

It took me a moment to put the pieces of what had happened together. An instant later I felt a strong pain in my face.

The stunt went wrong.

My nose was broken. Without a doubt.

I may be the one in pain, but I can’t imagine how Alicia feels right now. God she has to know that was an accident. Right?

I couldn’t really lift my head because of the bleeding, so with my head down and eyes up, I looked back over to Alicia.

Her face was red and tears were streaming from her now puffy eyes. I wanted nothing more than to rush over and hold her and tell her it’s okay and everything is fine.

Before I could start to move to get up, the medical team was back in front of me.

“We need to reset that. And it’s not going to feel good.”

I rolled my eyes. “Let’s get it over with then, shall we?”

They handed me a towel to bite down on and I knew better than to decline. With a count to two rather than three (because who follows basic counting techniques anymore?), another loud crack, and a muffled scream from me, my nose was back to as straight as it was going to be.

Once the medical team cleared me and left me with some gauze for the bleeding and a bag of ice for the swelling and bruising I stood up. I looked over yet again to where Alicia was standing to see even more tears falling down her face than there were before. Strand was by her side trying to comfort her before I heard him tell her something about needing to film the next scene if she wanted to go get cleaned up really quick.

I felt so bad for her.

Strand made his way over to me while everyone got ready to move on with filming.

“How you feeling kid?” He had a look of sympathy in his eyes.

“I’ve definitely been better.” I sounded nasally with all the gauze still against my nose.

“Why don’t you go ahead and take the rest of the night off and see if you can get that thing under control. We’ll mashup both the takes to get what we need. It’ll work.”

“Thanks, Victor.” I would’ve smiled if it didn’t hurt to.

He catches me before I walk away. “Hey, she’s worried about you. She also thinks you’re mad at her now.”

“God, I don’t think I ever could be,” I said with a sigh.

“I’ll try to send her your way in a bit.”

\--

After making it over to my trailer, I set the ice bad and the rest of my stuff down on the counter and walked into the little bathroom removing the old blood-soaked gauze before looking into the mirror to check the damage. Aside from the bruising that had already begun and slight trickle of blood still falling, the medical team was able to reset my nose decently enough so once everything was done healing it couldn’t be too bad. Right?

I walked back out of the bathroom and grabbed the clean gauze shoving them up against my face just hoping the bleeding would stop soon. I picked up the ice bag and turned to go make myself comfortable on the couch where my laptop was still sitting from earlier that afternoon. Remembering I drove Alicia to set today and given that I can’t do much right now anyway, I might as well try to catch up on some shows.

\--

The bleeding had stopped and I had the ice bag back on my face for another round of freezing to try and minimize this bruising. I was about twenty minutes into a second episode of Game of Thrones when there was a knocking at the door.

I tossed the ice bag on the floor and placed my laptop on the couch as I stood up to answer the it.

As soon as I opened the door, Alicia pushed right by me in a blur. I stood there staring out the empty doorway shocked. When I turned back around, I see her with both hands on the counter like she was trying to brace herself and could tell by the heaving that she was definitely crying.

I slowly walked up to her and carefully wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. I could feel her tense up at my touch before relaxing slightly. All I could do was try to comfort her.

“Hey, Leesh? Shhhhh,” I tried whispering little reassurances and pressing a small kiss onto that spot right behind her ear. “Hey, hey, everything’s okay. It’s okay. It was just an accident, it happens. I’m okay. I promise.”

At this she started crying even harder. All I could do was hold her tighter and continue assuring her everything was okay. Man, I really hate seeing her like this.

It took a few minutes before the sobs resided a bit. Alicia turned around in my arms and, for the first time since I was surrounded by the medical team, took a good look at my face.

Before she could do anything, I brought my hands to her cheeks and started trying to wipe away the tears that were still slowly falling. Her bottom lip was still quivering so I pulled her in tight and kissed the top of her head. It’s reasons like that where the slight height advantage comes in extra handy. We stood there in complete silence for a couple more minutes before I brought Alicia over to the couch to sit.

With one arm still around her, I picked my ice bag back off the ground and put it back on the bridge of my nose. Maybe if she can’t see what’s under it anymore I’ll actually be able to get some words out of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna hear your thoughts!


	7. first, a blow to the head. then, the heart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> developments??

“Leeshy? Hey, look at me.” I spoke softly but the fact that I sounded as nasally as I did now probably wasn’t helping Alicia to feel any better about this situation. “Bud?”

“I..I just…I can’t believe…” It hurt me to watch her hurt this much. “I did that.”

“Alicia hey now it was an accident and you know that. I know that. Everyone knows.”

“Yeah but…but have you looked in the mirror!?” I couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that.

“I have, Leesh, I have. And it probably won’t look too great for a few days until this bruising fades, but other than that the medical team did a pretty good job of resetting it.” I smiled at her, trying to ignore the slight pain in my cheeks.

“Y/N! How are you laughing about this!?” Alicia slid out from under my arm so that she could reposition herself on the couch to face me. “As soon as my fist made contact, I froze. I froze because in that instant, I realized exactly what I had just done. That I had just hurt you. That I had just hurt someone that I care so much about.” She started to raise her voice and the tears started falling again but I knew I shouldn’t interrupt her right now. “Arguably the person I care the most about! Those pictures you showed me this morning? The captions and rumors that filled them? I wanted to ignore them. Wanted to deny them. Hell, in the back of my head I was already trying to think of a way to fight them.”

At this I just looked at her confused. I wasn’t sure where this was going because I certainly wasn’t expecting those to come back up. Especially now. She just continued.

“Last night I knew what I was doing, but I was too drunk to stop myself. Deep down I knew I shouldn’t have. Shit, I really thought that I was going to regret asking you to stay with me last night but honestly I couldn’t tell you the last time I had slept as well as I did with you holding me. If anything, I was kinda upset that you weren’t still in bed when I woke up.”

My jaw went slack and my mouth slightly agape. I didn’t know what to say, what to do.

“I told you I wasn’t ready. But when I hit you! When I hurt you! FUCK!” She threw her head in her hands.

With that I put my hand on her knee and rubbed circles with my thumb to try and comfort her without getting too far in her space just yet. Not yet. A moment later Alicia picked her head back up and looked me dead in the eyes. A look of concern, hesitation, and something else that I couldn’t quite decipher.

“I like you, Y/N. I like you a lot.” The moment the words left her mouth her eyes started to tear up another time and she moved to get up.

“Alicia.” I grabbed her wrist to stop her and she turned back to look at me again.

Love. That’s the other thing I could see hidden behind the tears in those sad gray-green eyes of hers.

“Alicia?” Screw space. I pulled her into a hug, holding her tight with one arm and running my other hand up and down her back soothingly, and kissed her temple. I could feel the tension leave her body as she relaxed into my arms and wrapped hers around my waist. Her tears were wet and breath ragged in the crook of my neck, but in that moment I couldn’t care one bit.

I wouldn’t tell anyone, but a couple of my own tears escaped my blurred eyes without permission.

After a few minutes of standing there together rocking slightly, I brought Alicia back to the couch.

“Are you done shooting for the night?” Part of me was hoping she’d say yes so I could spend time with her, but a part of me also wanted time alone to process everything that just happened.

Sniffling and not looking up from our feet on the ground, she responded, “Victor said I need to be back on set in a little less than an hour.”

“Wanna watch the rest of this episode of Game of Thrones I was on? And then you can go wrap it up for the night while I really try to clean up some and then I’ll drive you home?”

All I got in response was a slight nod of approval before Alicia tucked herself in under my arm and placed her head on my shoulder.

And I guess that’s what we both needed right now.

I picked up my laptop and resumed the episode, paying more attention to the girl curled into my side rather than the scenes playing out across the screen.

\--

Once Alicia left to get back to set for what was hopefully the last scene of this terribly long night, I went to rinse off in the tiny trailer shower. I turned the water on to give it time to heat up before getting in. Pulling the shirt of my costume off, I realized that I couldn’t really tell what blood splatters on it were from the makeup department and what was the result of my busted nose.

I guess that just adds to the realistic aspect of it.

Once the water was warm enough, I got in and stood under the steaming stream and watched as a mixture of dirt and blood – probably both fake and real – ran down towards the drain.

I let the hot water run over my body as I replayed the last 24 hours in my head. How the fuck did everything turn so quickly. And why did Alicia want to pretend the rumors weren’t actually true to some degree?

I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out some other time.

\--

Eventually, I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower grabbing my towel. Once I was dried off, I put a fresh change of clothes on – just some sweatpants and a t-shirt – before walking out of the bathroom still toweling my hair dry.

I must’ve spent a bit more time reflecting on everything than I thought because as soon as I looked up Alicia was walking back inside. She had all her stuff with her, was changed and wearing her glasses, and looked exhausted.

Alicia in her glasses might be one of my most favorite things on this planet.

I couldn’t help but smile as best I could. So worth the pain.

“Hey sleepy, you ready to go?” I spoke softly as I walked by her to grab my hoodie out of the closet, stopping briefly to brush a few unruly strands of hair behind her tiny ear. If we’re being completely honest, I can’t get enough of them.

She responded with a yawn. “You have no idea.”

I chuckled and threw my hoodie on before slipping into my Vans. I grabbed my phone, keys and backpack and then headed for the trailer door, holding it open for Alicia before shutting the lights off and closing it behind us.

Given that it was a little past four in the morning it was pretty dark outside on the walk back to where I had parked my truck. No matter how many times I walk this path, it never fails to creep me out just a bit when you can’t see what’s surrounding as much.

Alicia must’ve been thinking the same thing because I suddenly felt her soft hand grab mine as she intertwined our fingers. I glanced over at her to see her looking all around us appearing to be on high alert.

I gave her hand a light squeeze and her eyes jumped to mine before she went back to looking in front of us. Had it not been so dark, I would’ve sworn she had been blushing.

\--

When we got back to my truck, Alicia walked over towards the passenger’s side while I threw my bag in the bed and hopped into the driver’s seat, starting up the engine. I turned the radio on softly since it was so late and the last thing we needed right now was to have the speakers full blast and headed out.

The drive was fairly quiet. The world around us was just starting to wake up, even on a Saturday, with the early risers. I don’t know what could make someone feel the need to be up before the sun, especially on the weekend, but whatever.

About half way back to Alicia’s apartment, I looked over to see her struggling to keep herself awake any longer. I reached over the center console and rested my hand on her knee before she took mine in hers and left them in her lap. Alicia’s head continued to bob until she finally stopped fighting the on come of sleep. Leaving our hands intertwined, I subconsciously rubbed my thumb across the back of hers.

\--

We got back to Alicia’s apartment just before five and she was out cold in my truck. I didn’t have the heart to wake her up so I got out of the cab, walked around the back picking my bag out of the bed on the way and throwing that on, before making it to the passenger side. I opened her door and found her keys sitting in her bag before slinging the over my shoulder too. I reached across Alicia’s lap to unbuckle her seatbelt before picking her up bridle style and kicking the truck door closed. I swear she burrowed further into my chest as I carried her.

Thankfully Alicia’s apartment is only on the second floor so the stairs weren’t too bad. It wasn’t until I got to her door that I realized I couldn’t unlock it with her still in my arms.

“Alicia? Hey, Leeshy?” All I got in response was a groan. “Bud, I can’t open the door like this.”

I watched as her eyes slowly opened, squinting slightly from the hallway light above the door. It took a moment before our position dawned on her and she started to scramble to get down.

Pulling her keys back out of my pocket, I unlocked the door and opened it so we could get inside. Thankfully I had already spent plenty of movie nights here and was fairly familiar with the layout. I walked into the living room to set our bags down next to the couch before following where Alicia went back to her bedroom.

Poking my head in the door she was digging through her drawers looking for pajamas. “You good for the night?” 

She looked up at me with a sheepish smile and nodded. I went to head back to the couch where I left my stuff when I heard her speak up. “Y/N? Will you stay with me again?”

There no way I could deny a sleepy Alicia what she wanted. Hell, there’s no way I could deny Alicia what she wanted in any state. “Yeah, I can do that.”

After we both finished getting ready for bed, Alicia got under the covers making a spot for me. I slid in behind her hesitating on how much distance to leave between us when she suddenly reached behind her and pulled my arm over waist herself, holding my hand so it was resting just below her ribs.

I could get used to this.

As we laid there in the dark, I brought up the one thing I knew we couldn’t avoid for too much longer. “Leesh, we’ve gotta talk about this…uh us? later, but go ahead and get some sleep right now. We can talk when we get up.”

I heard her hum in approval, clearly too tired for words, as she scooted back into my front ever so slightly more.

It wasn’t more than a few minutes before I felt her breathing start to even out. I leaned forward and gently kissed the back of her neck, whispering “goodnight,” before nuzzling in and dozing off as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me with whatever lol
> 
> also, I may not be able to post for a couple weeks. I promise I'm not abandoning! I've just got a ton of grad school essays to write at the moment.


	8. here it comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yay for more developments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for hanging in there!
> 
> was really just hoping to get this posted ASAP bc it's been awhile (sorry!), so please excuse any mistakes - corrections will come later.

The next morning, the sun was shining brighter than all get out.  Except it was the middle of the afternoon and that would fucking explain the overly bright light in my face.  I went to burry my face and hide from the light in the pillow but was met with a face-full of hair instead.

Oh yeah.

Fully awake and aware now.

Maybe too aware.

Of where I was.  Of who I was with.  Of our current position.

Our legs were tangled and our bodies were making about as much contact as two bodies can be when fully clothed.  Alicia was still breathing steadily so there was no way I was getting out from under her any time soon.  Not until she’s awake.

It was late, though, and I knew we should be getting up soon anyway.  Don’t really wanna deal with our internal clocks being even more jacked up than they probably already are.

I looked down at Alicia still sleeping peacefully with her head on my chest, her lips parted slightly, chest rising and falling slowly with each breath.  I started rubbing soothing circles on the small of her back where my hand was resting while I reached up with the other to move her bed-tousled hair out of her face and couldn’t help but press a kiss against her forehead as well.

Not even a moment later and green eyes fluttered open, squinting to adjust to the light.  She looked confused for a split second before we locked eyes and she smiled shyly, my hand still on the side of her head.  My eyes subconsciously flickered between her eyes and lips and I know I wasn’t 100% aware of what I was thinking just yet, but whatever it was Alicia must’ve been on the same page because she was the one to lean in first.

Still caressing her cheek, I continued to guide her face until her lips met mine.  Soft.  Slow.  Short.  Sweet. Everything that I could expect a perfect good morning kiss to be.  Morning breath ignored and everything.

Without a doubt, the best first kiss I have ever had with someone.  Even if it did hurt a bit because of my stupid nose.

As soon as we parted, Alicia buried her face in the crook of my neck and I could for sure feel her grinning against my skin.  Something tells me it wasn’t just me looking forward to finally getting to do that.

“Morning, cutie.”  I kissed the side of her head as she made a noise in response.

We laid there for a few more minutes before my stomach growled and let us both know that it was time for food.  Alicia propped herself up on her elbow and couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hey now, it’s not my fault we haven’t eaten since probably 10 last night and it’s already past 1! This is part one to the lack of food protesting – just wait until the hangry onset begins.”

“We don’t want that now, do we?” She leaned down and pecked my lips once more before pulling back the covers and climbing out of bed.  As Alicia headed for the door, she turned and looked at me over her shoulder before saying, “Let’s go make you some food.”

I proceeded to lie there for another moment, reveling in the fact that this morning (technically afternoon I guess), really is happening and all of that actually just happened.  I could get used to this on a daily basis.

\--

A few minutes later, after cleaning up a bit in Alicia’s bathroom and examining the damage from last night (bruising was definitely there…the makeup team will have fun covering it, that’s for sure), I walked into the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe just taking in the sight.  Alicia’s still bed tousled hair was thrown up into a messy bun and she stood by the coffee pot in an oversized hoodie and socks – that was it.  She was singing along to whatever was playing in the background softly under her breath.

I smirked before walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist making her jump slightly. I nuzzled into her neck (totally worth the pain!), inhaling her warm scent as she sighed quietly and leaned back into me.

“How’s your nose?  And I guess whatever else I uhh…”  I could hear the hesitation in her voice as she trailed off.

“Honestly, it probably looks more painful than it actually feels.  I really expected it to be worse when I woke up.”  I could feel her tense a little before I added, “Don’t worry about it.  It happened, it was an accident, it’s over.”

After a second, she continued getting the coffee started while I refused to let go.  As much as I didn’t want to ruin the moment, though, we both knew what needed to come up sooner rather than later.

I kissed her neck before pulling back a bit.  “You know we should probably talk about,” I motioning to everything and nothing at all without releasing my hold, “this.”

Had I not been in such close proximity, I probably would’ve missed her whispered “I know.”

I gently let her go and walked to the fridge to see what our options were and settled on making a couple of omelets.  While I prepped those, Alicia pulled out some plates and utensils and poured the coffee when it was done.

Once the omelets were done, she slid on over to the other side of the counter and sat down and I stood across from her.  It was silent for a few minutes while we just enjoyed breakfast and each other’s presence.

“So…this.”  The words snapped me out of whatever thoughts were running through my head and I looked up to see Alicia looking at me.

“Yeah…” I chuckled. Who knew this conversation was going to be a whole different type of awkward from what went down earlier this week.

“I guess all I really know is that whatever this is, I want to take it slow.  I know I like you, Y/N, and I want to be with you, but I don’t know how ready I am for everyone else to know.  I just kinda wanna see where things go, ya know?  And take it one step at a time.”

“Alicia, hey listen, I get it.  Work is stressful enough right now with the last half of the season being thrown at us.  I’m down with taking what we can get and rolling with it.  Whoever you want to tell, just let me know when.  Whatever you’re ready for, I’ll be right there with you.”  She looked at me almost shyly and I couldn’t help but smile at her.

\--

After breakfast, we cleaned up the kitchen  and it was oddly domestic if you ask me, but I’m surly not complaining about it with this woman.

We both went and got cleaned up and changed for the day – I had to borrow a pair of Alicia’s sweatpants and one of her slightly bigger t-shirts since I hadn’t really planned on spending the night (morning? afternoon? entire day?) somewhere other than home when I packed for set yesterday.

The remainder of the day and all of Sunday was spent together watching movies and rehearsing for the mid-season premiere that we were shooting for that coming week.  The only time we were apart was when I drove back to my apartment to grab some of my own clothes.

\--

By Sunday evening, we were both feeling pretty good about our scenes for the next day and even some of Tuesday’s.  Of course, there’s always the chance of some last minute edits by the writers once we’re on set, but it’s at least nice to have a pretty good idea of how things are supposed to run.

I looked over at Alicia curled up under a blanket against the arm of the couch, so engrossed in re-reading her lines for probably the thousandth time (okay, so maybe that’s a _slight_ exaggeration) with her glasses slipping down her nose and hair falling out of her bun.  I quickly snapped a photo on my phone and set that as my wallpaper because does it really get any more adorable?  No.  But I probably say that about every version of this girl.

I reached over to tuck a few strands of hair behind her tiny ear (again, adorable) and she really must’ve been really focused because she about jumped off the couch before she realized it was just me.  I couldn’t help but laugh a little while she just glared at me.

“Alright now, I’m not sure if you’re trying to kill me with your eyes right now or what, but before I suddenly burst into flames, I think I should head home for the night.”  I jokingly backed away slightly.  “We’ve both got a fairly early call time tomorrow. Also, I hate that 6am is now only kind of early,” I say with an eye roll.

Alicia laughs and puts her script on the couch beside her, standing and walking over to me.  She wraps her arms around my neck and looks me in the eyes, smiling.  “Thank you for this weekend.”

She doesn’t even give me time to respond before her lips are back on mine.  The kiss is a lot like the first – soft, sweet, and slow.  Only this time I’m not sure if we stood there for a few seconds or a few minutes.

“God, I love being able to do that now.”  I probably looked like an idiot with the grin that was plastered across my face.

Alicia just laughed and gave me a playful shove.  I walked to the counter to grab my backpack and keys before turning back to Alicia and kissing her one more time.

“I’ll see you in the morning.”  With that I headed for the door and left what was probably the best weekend I’ve had in a long time behind.

Between saying bye to my _girlfriend_ (I guess it's not official-official yet) and crawling into bed that night, I don’t think my smile left my face once.

**You (10:12)**

_Goodnight, Alicia! I’ll see you bright and early!_

_Actually, will it even be bright by then? Ugh whatever… it’ll be early_

**Leeshy (10:17)**

_Y/N? Go to bed. You can find out for yourself tomorrow_

_Goodnight *kissy face emoji*_

With that I fell asleep and for once, I had a really good reason to be excited about going to work in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all I can't believe it took me this long to update and that when I finally had some time, I struggled with what to write. won't lie, I reread my entire work so far to help me out a bit. but I'm not going to promise this break won't happen again bc who actually knows what life will throw at me, but I can say that I have at least started the next chapter.
> 
> but as usual, any feedback is so very appreciated!


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